Naming Disgust: A Hidden Emotion in Caregiving
🌿 Where Does Disgust Fit on the Emotion Wheel? A Caregiver’s Honest Question
Recently, a caregiver reached out with a question that stopped us in our tracks:
“I love the Connection Codes wheel for working through hard situations in caregiving, but where does disgust fit? I’ve read it connects with guilt and shame, but for me it feels more like sadness and anger—especially when I’m cleaning up after my father-in-law who is slipping deeper into dementia. Have you guys talked through disgust at all?”
First, if you’ve ever felt this way—let us say this clearly: you are not alone.
Caregiving is holy work, but it is also messy work. There are moments that are tender and beautiful, and there are moments that are gut-wrenching, overwhelming, and yes—downright disgusting. And here’s the truth: that doesn’t make you a bad caregiver. It makes you human.
The Emotion Wheel and the “Missing” Spot
The Connection Codes framework lists eight core emotions: sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, hurt, lonely, and glad. You won’t see disgust on that wheel.
Does that mean disgust isn’t real? Not at all. It simply means that disgust is often understood as a secondary emotion—something that can be traced back to one of the core eight. In some models, disgust ties into guilt or shame. In others, it’s seen as a reaction connected to sadness or anger.
But in real life—especially in caregiving—it often shows up as its own raw, body-level response. Our nervous system is literally saying: “This is hard to handle.”
Why Caregivers Feel Disgust
Caregiving brings us face-to-face with parts of life most people rarely see.
Cleaning up bodily messes
Handling decline with dementia or illness
Sitting in the tension of grief and love at the same time
In those moments, disgust can rise up quickly. Not because you don’t love the person you’re caring for—but because your whole body is reacting to something overwhelming.
It’s important to say this out loud: feeling disgust does not mean you’ve failed as a caregiver. It means you’re a human being doing hard, holy, and embodied work.
How to Process Disgust in a Healthy Way
So what do you do with it?
Name It Out Loud
“I feel disgust right now.”
This simple step keeps you from shoving it down or turning it into hidden shame.
Notice What’s Underneath
Does it connect to sadness (grief over the decline you’re witnessing)?
Does it connect to anger (frustration at the unfairness of it all)?
Or is it just raw body reaction—your system’s way of saying, “this is too much”?
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Remember: feelings are not moral verdicts. They’re signals.
By acknowledging disgust, you create space for compassion toward yourself and the one you care for.
You’re Not Broken for Feeling It
Friend, if you’ve ever felt disgust in the middle of caregiving, take this with you:
✨ You are not broken for feeling it.
✨ Naming disgust isn’t weakness—it’s courage.
✨ Processing it is what helps you keep caring without burning out.
At HeartRoots Resilience, we believe naming emotions honestly is one of the bravest steps you can take as a caregiver. Disgust might not have its own slice of the wheel, but it has a place in your story—and giving it words helps you walk in resilience, not hidden shame.
Final Thoughts
We’re so grateful to the caregiver who asked this question. It reminds us that emotions don’t always show up neat and tidy—they’re layered, human, and sometimes messy, just like life.
If you’ve felt this way before, we’d love to hear from you. Comment, share your story, or connect with us directly. Your honesty may be the very thing that helps another caregiver feel less alone.
💙 Doug & Janet Rose
HeartRoots Resilience
